Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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