Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
