I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Boobs speak an international language.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
