He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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