mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
