Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
