drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
