What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
