You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
