Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
