I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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