Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
