and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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