I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
