Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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