Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
