I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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