and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
