hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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