I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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