So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
