nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
