I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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