You're completely useless in the revolution.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm always down for nudity.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
