i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
