Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It was like getting head from an anaconda
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
