Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
