She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My bed smells like the plague
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
