god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
