Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
