i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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