I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There's even glitter on my cock...
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