Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
