Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
