Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
