last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize