Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize