i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
