So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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