God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
