Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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