So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
