i don't like sucking hair
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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