dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
