Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
