I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
