she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
