So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
