don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
