I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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