he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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