; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
