I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
