I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
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so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
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But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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