i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
