4 words: hood of his car
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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