Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
