Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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