K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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