who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
