"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
