So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
