Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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