I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
