I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
