jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
