i can't believe i had my finger in that
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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