Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
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